In our lives we meet lots of people with different destinies. Very often we don’t understand what kind of person is in front of us and what lies behind the seemingly harmless and a little ridiculous behaviour. In the System Vector Psychology there is the concept of a 'good boy' complex. Yes, yes, you probably guess what we are talking about that is a 'mummy’s boy' who many people met and heard about.
The man who'd slept with his mother in one bed till he was 15, arouses suspicion. She decides for him what to do in different situations, at the same time making breakfast before he goes to university. Mum always advises him whether or not to date a girl from his class.
”John, don’t forget to eat the potatoes. I cooked them in the way that you like.”
“Mum, I’m not a little boy.”
”I know, know. But first you eat, then after, you'll go, or you'll be late again.”
Such boys without a second thought live with their mums until the age of 30 – 40. It is t true though that their friends start slightly suggesting,”You're over 30. I think it is high timefor you to meet a girl and live independently. But a “mummy's boy” cannot think for himself - his mum does that and make decisions for him. And he can't even imagine what he would do outside of home. Because there, he is very comfortable, he is protected; at home there is a person, who he can advise with. And he doesn’t leave his mum alone at home, because she became older, so who is going to look after her?
This 40-year old boy, a man with that is a keeper of the hearth and the cave; it is his ancient role that exhibits itself nowadays. He is naturally born to be a master of the house guarding females. But in the situation described in this article, the undeveloped anal vector features in an adult male, which means he is not adapted to conditions of the modern world - he protects the only female in his life, he cares about and helps her; usually people describe him saying,"He is married to his mother."
Mum always makes sure that he won't run away with some girl who his friends with the dermal vector have introduced him to.
”Mum, I’m going out. I'll come back later.”
"Where are you going, my lovely son?"
”I’m meeting up with the same girl.”
”Oh, well, go. I 'll handle it somehow myself.”
”What's happened, mum?”
”I ain't very well today. Early in the morning, I had darkness in my eyes; I almost fell over in the kitchen. But now I’m better, you don’t have to worry, go…"
“Mum, and how are you feeling right now?”
“I'm a bit better now, not wobbling that badly, go, I’m ok, I'll just hold on to the wall, never mind”
“No, what are you saying! I’ll go next time.”
There are especially funny situations, when the mummy's boy comes into the kitchen and casually complains about his wife:
“Why is your shirt not ironed?”
”Ooh!”, sighs Johnny. “I don’t know, mum. Katy tells me that she doesn't have time to iron. She tells me that I need to do the ironing myself.”
“You poor dear, take it off, I ll iron it. What is this slob so busy with that she hasn’t got time? Next time you can bring the others. Who will take care of you, if not your mum?!”
Johnny even couldn't think that such behavior isn't normal.
It is necessary to understand that it is always a two-way connection which a mother and her son are both involved in. The son needs this kind of relationship. The reason is that his mum is his only woman, his real ''wife'' and he is only her sonny.
''John, I came by your house today. What a shame! Mess is everywhere. What a pig your wife is! Why is it happening, John?''
No matter what happens, the mum will do her best to bring her son back to the state of dependance on her saying something like,”Sonny, you don’t know this but take a look. I've written on a piece of paper what you need to do and how after I die…”She will try keep her son beside her, for her own sake, always pointing out that he won't be able to live without her help.
To really understand what under this negative scenario of life is hidden, we should take a look at what is happening on the other side of the certain. After the training on the System-Vector Psychology, it is clearly understood and seen that a “good boy”complex can be faced by specific type of sons (an anal-visual man) with a specific type of mums (a dermal-visual woman).
The life scenario of a “good boy” between an anal-visual boy (it can also be a girl) and a dermal-visual mum forms depending on the state of the mum's vectors are in. If her is not implemented - she keeps her son within certain limits and urges on him. The underdeveloped of such woman starts manipulating by means of emotional connections with her child for her own pleasure, and her own purposes,“Baby do this, bring me perfect results. Make your mummy happy!” And an anal-visual child who naturally has a need to please others and earn praise for it, is ready to do anything just to make his mum happy.
The dermal-visual mother whose visual vector isn't realized adds up pleasure to her desires through emotional swings. The visual vector needs emotional connection; in the case of a good boy scenario, the connection is not psychologically healthy,it is directed exclusively at her. This mother always pities herself maintaining the internal feeling of the constant drama in life: loud fights in a kitchen followed by tearful reconciliation, the strongest emotional outbreaks, tears and dramatization of her terrible fate. She actually doesn't want her child to be happy, it doesn't matter for her what her son's life will be like, everything she wants is to use him as means to satisfy her emotional needs.
Now few words about the anal-visual child. It is a very obedient, kind child who loves his mum very much and he is strongly attached to her. He has sweet disposition and needs his mother's attention and protection more than children with other vectors; his all body shows it. And his mum completely gives him this love. He needs to feel that his mother loves and values him. He finds a beautiful ladybug and brings it to his mother expecting her to say,"Oh, so beautiful! Is it for me?! You're such a clever boy, so caring, you’re my bunny. My lovely sonny!". These are the happiest muments of his life.
When the scenario is played in its pure form that is there are always an anal-visual child and a dermal-visual mother involved. In the modern city, on average, polymorphs (people who bear more than 2 vectors) with 3-5 vectors are born thus people can be more complex but if there is the anal visual connective in the state of a 'good boy', you never miss it because it is always bright and noticeable. Potentially an anal-visual person is the head of gold, a writer, an erudite, a bookworm, a “walking encyclopedia”, the most caring husband, a true professional in his field; sometimes a designer, an artist, an architect, director or a screenwriter. In case when his mother focuses too much on praising him, he becomes a mummy's boy.
His mother is the most important person in the world, she is a guarantee of safety, confidence and emotional protection. He is ready to bring his mother all of the ladybugs in the county, to do anything to keep her happy and content. The very anal vector is the main component of this scenario in a child
A mum sees that her son is good, obedient boy,who lacks of initiative, needs her care, advice,a task from her to accomplish, he waits for her commands to execute, and receive his precious“candy”. Her love becomes a manipulating power. She manipulates with praise. It very often ends in a negative scenario.
This way a child grows up with a steady desire to do what other people want him to. In his look we can see an imprint of what in the System-Vector Psychology is called 'love me'. By means of manipulation and praise the mum fixes in her child the very this way of communication and taking pleasure. When a mummy's boy starts acting the same outside the house, it is obvious that people do not react the way his mother does unless he helps his classmates to do homework.
All his behavior among people, both in childhood and adulthood, comes to showing how good he is, which in essence to showing that he is the best He acts like that with every person he interacts with. He is not a child anymore but you can see how the 40-year old man does his best to get approval and acknowledgment from you. And he is so nice and lovely, he tries not to hurt your feelings and he cannot pronounce the word “NO”. That what it is to be a mummy's boy.
What other people say is very important for an anal-visual person[/a], his well-being depends on their opinion, they prove to him that he belongs to where he is. And in the anal-visual complex, all the energy and desires are aimed at approval and favor. It is quite normal to expect praise and approval after working hard on something, after putting efforts in a project that I wanted to accomplish. In this case it is OK to want to receive well-deserved praise. It is normal But within the complex, it turns into inability to get pleasure from interaction with other people, in other way except from searching approval and praise. At the same mument, the man can't even realize that he is a mummy's boy.
This man doesn't have any personal aspirations and desires. [b]He doesn’t know what he wants in life. Surrounding people want something from him, and he can't understand his position in this situation. Day after day he shows to everybody that he is good, clever and diligent.
And the situation is the same in marriage if he appears to have a wife. Because the mum-son connection (between an anal-visual child and a dermal-visual mother) is serious and can completely exclude the possibility of marriage.
Sometimes after observing this person for a long time, surrounding people start noticing the peculiarities of his behavior and hinting it to him. Then he continues acting the same but in the opposite direction - he spites everybody (instead of being good) but his own desires never appear. This is the only way to deal with his state but it doesn’t change anything because, in fact the state reverses itself on it's opposite side.
The most terrible part in the life scenario of such people is that even if they leave their mums, get a job and get married, they are still in many ways, in the eternal chase of a mirage. He does not set any goals for himself, he doesn’t have his own opinion, and he doesn’t have a healthy psychic basis or any skills for a healthy reaction to the pressure of the world The problem is in the desire itself which brings misery in adulthood, and a man tries hard to alleviate it.
This man tries to cater to everybody. The problem is that people who are around don’t even know what they want. But what they don’t want exactly is the ideal person whose perfectionism reminds them of their flaws. It causes the anal-visual poor guy to experience a frustrating and genuine misunderstanding,“I have done everything they want me to do! So why are they unhappy again? I simply want everybody to love me...”
If you are the very mummy's boy, the System-Vector Psychology always can tell you what to do.
On the training of System-Vector Psychology Yuri Burlan when analyzing the psychology of this complex, often says that the training turns a “good boy” into a “bad” very quickly. And the change will not be like a behavior in the opposite way but it will be a deliverance from this painful, life long problem. The only tool to work on oneself is to be aware of what is REALLY happening with no attempts of rational explanations and other tricks of the mind. The above described life scenario is possible to cease. And to overestimate the importance of the release from the vicious circle is impossible.
The article is based on the training on the System-Vector Psychology presented by Yuri Burlan
:
Yevgenya Alekseyeva, a medical student
Yuri Reisner, an IT specialist
Translated by Irena, Yelena Sushko, Yevgeniya Chistyakova
